Latin Mass, Take II

While my sister was here, she, her friend, and I attended the Latin Mass across town. About nine months ago, I attended the same church, for the same Mass. I remember being confused and enamored, loving the ritual even as I didn't get it.

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, "A man cannot step in the same river twice. Either he has changed or the river has." Since the "river" in this case is the Latin Mass that people attend to avoid the Novus Ordo Mass, I'm willing to bet that I've changed. This time I picked up a little red booklet that had Latin and English facing each other and ADD descriptions of what the priest was doing. So first of all, that was distracting, and it could have taken all of Mass (and this one was an hour and 45 minutes) to figure it out. And although I still curiously noticed the ratio of veiled to bare-headed women, this time I fell on the veiled side... sitting with two on the other side.

My opinion of organ music has not changed. At all the "dramatic" parts of Mass, I found myself watching for phantasmic men swinging through opera galleries. In addition, the Latin was hard to follow because they put in samples of "Proper" prayers -- ones that change depending on the day -- so that I often tried to hear Latin that wasn't being said. Fortunately, the "Et cum spiritu tuo" always caught me up with the rest of the congregation.

At communion time, I got nervous, because I have never received behind a communion rail or on the tongue and both were suddenly necessary. However, I liked this method better than the express line that we use now. It was reverent, sacred, and right. And the parish had some ushers who knew what they were about, directing even the clueless like me to the proper place at the proper time.

The change of opinion relates fairly strongly to where I stand with God. Back in September, I was seeking the sacred. I understood God as a person in my life, but I wanted God as a majesty, God as divine, God as supreme. I was feeling a sense of lost reverence and confusion about the order of the world. I have not found anywhere where God is more profoundly God than this Liturgy. Now, in July, I need to know God as near. I need reassurance that He cares for me, for my students, for those the world doesn't see. I am looking for a frighteningly intimate God. Tridentine Mass doesn't exactly scream, "God wants to be your best friend!"

That's not to invalidate the experience of the profound. I have changed in my spiritual life between September and today (thank God), but that doesn't mean that my old needs were wrong or immature. Rather, I think it's a lovely sign of the variety of ways I can seek God, and the ever-vital nature of our relationship.