These Things Will Change

One common question I've received about my volunteer year is: "How have you changed?"

Because I process things slowly, and self-change is often difficult to measure, most of the time I stumble and bumble my way around that question. The other day, however, I discovered one answer : I look over my shoulder more often.

Ours is a safe campus, and, during my time here, I didn't hesitate to walk across campus at 9 or 10 at night. Once the clock hit 11 or 12 or later, I would hesitate, but I would also walk a mile from CCM to my apartment before calling Campus Escort. Not the wisest choice, and certainly not what they tell you during Freshmen Orientation, but the only 2 times I've felt uncomfortable by random people on campus at night, I've been in a group.

From safe campus to St. Louis I go, where I hesitated to walk out to my car late at night. (That was probably just paranoia. Our neighborhood was generally safe.) Some neighborhoods were off limits at night; some streets were off limits during the day. I became much more aware of the people on the streets around me. At sundown, I felt unsafe standing outside our school.

Back on campus, I found myself with half an hour to kill before an event that started at 8pm. During my time as a student, I would not have considered it late. It would not have occurred to me to be vigilant during my walk. It wasn't even eight at night! Yet I found myself wondering if I should be walking alone, if this was safe.

When I became aware of these thoughts, I had two reactions : 1) Beth, you are being ridiculous! and 2) But it's true! This person walking towards you could be anyone!

I processed the second reaction. Yes, she could be anyone. However, I would assume that she was a part of the College community, which makes her part of "us" rather than "them." Especially if I am a student, she is "us," not "them." And being part of one community means that we are, to some extent or another, invested in each other. Which mean that, unlike on the streets of St. Louis, on the paths of the College, I don't encounter just anyone. And they (for many reasons) are safer.

Please note : I am well aware that the College is no magical place where bad things don't happen. I am well aware that anyone can walk on the campus, not just members of the College community, and that not all members are committed to the common good, or others' individual goods. Still, I am also aware that the campus is much safer than where I was last year.