Sticky Situations

Often in the abortion debate, pro-life people bring up cases where a criminal who kills a pregnant woman, and thereby her child, is charged with double homicide under fetal homicide laws. Immediately, opponents will ask about how careful women have to be to protect their pregnancies : can a woman be prosecuted for drinking or smoking during her pregnancy? (At least one woman has been charged for illegal drug use during pregnancy, although her conviction was overturned.)

For most pro-choice people, birth is the game changer. After a child is born, he or she receives legal protection. What happens if a child dies after birth? I read about this case, where a woman's attempt at suicide during her pregnancy allegedly caused her child to die after birth. Now, she is being charged with murder. While I am supportive of legal consequences for people who harm babies in utero, I worry about this one, mostly because suicide is very often the result of mental/emotional problems. So even if her (alleged) action objectively deserves the potential consequences, her culpability may be nuanced.

In Which I Am (and am not) a Scatterbrain

After the three Easter Masses, I did something I had not done in years : I went home for Easter! In exchange for a three hour road trip, I received an awkward sunburn on one arm and a strange portion of one leg which sleeveless shirts and time in the sun have not been able to help. I also received some lovely family time along with delicious food.

This morning I tried to return to work. The operative word being "try." I was feeling quite on top of life as I hopped into the car and turned the key. My engine responded with a flutter that sounded like a sick butterfly. Consider the energy a butterfly with mono might use in flapping its wings. That was my car.

I tried again and tried not to panic. Last year, I learned what a dead battery sounds like, and I figured that's what it was. I went through the people I knew in the 'burg who might have jumper cables in the .3 seconds before I remembered my AAA card. Then I could breath easy and know what I needed to do. After a couple deep breaths and prayers and one more attempt to start the car, I called my dad to steel myself for the call to AAA.

I also checked to see which lights I had left on. Much to my surprise (and relief) I had not left any lights on! I suppose it should not have been a relief -- if I had left lights on, I would need a jump; if not, it was likely a dead battery. However, sometimes it is good to know that I am not a complete scatterbrain. (Just most of one. Example: 30 minutes down I-95 yesterday, I realized I had left all my toiletries at home. They are now in transit via USPS, thanks to my loving father.)

AAA sent me a battery truck. I enjoyed my phone conversations with them from an analytical point of view. The people on the other end said things like, "I'm sorry to hear about your car trouble," and "Are you in a safe place?" Solicitous, practical, and used to dealing with people in panics. The battery man and I had a wonderful chat as well, during which I discovered that he used to be a Marine at the base not far from my home and he grew up in Ana's town in Kentucky. It's a small world!

All things considered, it should have been a pretty rough start to the morning. My car wouldn't start. I'm down the cost of a battery. I got into work 2.5 hours late and had to reschedule parts of life. But everyone was so helpful and cheerful and I discovered (later) that I paid a fair price for the battery. Mostly, I enjoyed the time to sit outside in the sun in a sun dress and read, which makes for a very relaxing morning.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! I know that at least one person who reads this post will think, "Well, she's a few days late." Well, I'm not!

Easter is such an amazing holiday and awesome Holy Day that the Church celebrates it for an octave -- eight days! We are currently smack-dab in the middle of the Octave of Easter, and so I wish happy Easter to all my readers.

I celebrated at three Masses. First, the Easter Vigil at the parish. Rather than have our own Vigil, as we did all through my undergrad, CCM caravaned at least 50 students up the road to the main church. We had four people entering the Church, their sponsors, a cadre of liturgical ministers, and some students simply excited for Easter happening. The Mass was beautiful and didn't feel like the 2h40min that it was.

The Easter Vigil is my favorite 3 hours of the year. Mass starts in darkness outside, where the Pascal candle is lit. It processes in, and the entire congregation lights tapers off of it. The priest sings a prayer called the Exultet. The song recalls God's saving work starting with the fall of Adam. Each verse begins with "This is the night..." that God performed some act of salvation. One line speaks of the Pascal candle as "a flame divided but undimmed" -- which perfectly captures the vision of the church lit by over a thousand candles. We then move into readings. There can be seven readings from the Old Testament that tell the history of the world and God's work in it -- his creation of the world and his unwavering love of humanity. We only did four this year. I understand the desire to keep Mass moving along, but I miss having the full story told. After the Old Testament readings, we sing the Gloria and the lights come on. God's salvation is fully realized in the Resurrection of his Son! It brings me so much joy that I have a huge smile just thinking about it.

After a reading from an Epistle and a Resurrection account from a Gospel, we move into the Sacraments of Initiation. People get baptized. People get confirmed. People who have been through a long, intense discernment and formation process finally profess the faith of the Church and are welcomed in. And we all get holy water sprinkled over us. From there the Mass proceeds as usual, with especial joy.

That was a rather long tangent, but my love of the Easter Vigil is pretty intense. I could go on and on. Instead, I'll fast forward to Sunday morning. After fighting an epic battle to return the cat to its indoor home, I headed out to CCM for a 7:30 Easter breakfast in fine Polish tradition, and then flew through two epic CCM Masses. In both, we had standing room only twenty minutes before the start of Mass. The first Mass ended only half an hour before the second one started, so we had people pouring in and out at the same time. Things were crowded and hectic, but so beautiful because 1) we were celebrating the Resurrection, victory, triumph, salvation, JOY! and 2) so many people came out to celebrate!

The most poignant moment came during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. I was distributing the Host when the folk group started singing "How Beautiful." The song, besides being objectively beautiful, holds special meaning from my summer at Yosemite, a time of growth and healing. In addition, the refrain -- "How beautiful is the Body of Christ" -- overwhelmed me as I held the Body of my Risen Lord in my hands, days after his death, to share this experience of him with others, friends and strangers alike, all of whom are the Body of Christ.

Day-Maker #28

Percy has baby chickens. On Thursday, while I was explaining Easter to his roommate, I was holding a baby bird. Also, it sang when his other roommate played the guitar.

The Long Version

We've moved again into the Easter Triduum, marking the institution of the Eucharist, which flows to and from the passion, death, and resurrection of Christ. For me, that means long hours at CCM, not in a bad way. Thursday night, however, after the Mass of the Lord's Supper, after we had processed the Blessed Sacrament back to the Chapel, where He remained until midnight, after we had stripped the altar in the PC, I decided I needed some time not at work this weekend.

So I went over to Percy's for the bit of time before midnight. One of his roommates asked what I was up to for the weekend. I answered with the truth. Then he asked me a question that threw me off guard: "What is Easter about?"

He is from India, so it makes sense that he has a vastly different cultural knowledge. I answered the way I always do when caught off guard : I stumbled, I stuttered, and I bought more time. "Do you want the long version or the short version?"

He asked for the short one first, then the long one. The short version : "It's the day when Jesus rose from the dead." The long version was still difficult. I waffled through an explanation that floated around undeveloped ideas of the Eucharist and salvation. I started to tell it in chronological order -- Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and then Holy Saturday -- but the telling of the story of Jesus got mixed up with the telling of the traditions of the Church, because I wasn't sure really what I was trying to say.

The words of 1 Peter kept flitting through my head : "Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope." I know my faith pretty well (though not as well as I'd like; hence grad school next year), but I had a hard time putting it into words for someone who described themselves as knowing very little about Christianity.

I also know that the story began way before Holy Thursday. The long version doesn't start with Holy Thursday, or even Palm Sunday. It doesn't start with the baptism or ministry of Jesus. It doesn't start with the Annunciation. If you want to the long version, the whole story, you have to go back to Genesis. You have to go, as the Church does at the Easter Vigil, to the time when, "in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." The whole story follows the fall of man and God's work throughout history to save us. It reaches a high point with the Cross and Resurrection, but it is still going on today. The long version is longer, I think, than Percy's roommate wanted.

The roommate also asked me what people do, for example fireworks. Percy explained that this giant rabbit comes around with eggs... I explained that no, we didn't have fireworks. For me, the important parts happen in church and with my family. I have to admit, in contrast to the Christmas hype, I don't understand why Easter gets the cultural short shrift. While I am glad that consumerism has not co-opted this Holy Day, I do wish we had fireworks.

Thoughts on the Approaching Holy Day

I recently read this post on Busted Halo:

Busted Halo » Features » All Are Welcome (Especially Chreasters)

It provides some food for thought when, on Easter Sunday, we are over-flowing with people. Unfortunately, both my home parish and CCM have been censured by the fire department, and, while all are welcome as far as we are concerned, the civil authority turns people away.

Day-Maker #27

Lunch with Taylor Reveley, the President of the College. Mostly because he used the word "defenestrate" in casual conversation.

More of an Idiot: On Wealth and Poverty, St. John Chrysostom

More of an Idiot: On Wealth and Poverty, St. John Chrysostom: "Yes, I have been reading lately, I promise. I just haven't been blogging... about anything.

This short little book, which I finished weeks ago, contains a collection of sermons given by St. John Chrysostom when he was Archbishop of Constantinople. They focus on the parable of Lazarus and the rich man (Luke 16: 19-31). Despite the fact that he was preaching to people who enjoyed their wealth (or perhaps because he was), he emphasized, in various ways, the virtues of giving up material wealth and the blessedness of the poor in heaven. He points out eloquently that our material goods came from God and belong to Him, to be used among His children, and therefore one who possesses a superabundance is stealing from the poor. He also explores idea of how God punishes and rewards people in the afterlife according to their actions (not wealth) here."

New Forest Earth

I recently had the pleasure of meeting the young man who started this non-profit : http://newforestearth.org/. He works with communities in rain-forests to develop sustainable businesses. Which is to say, businesses that sustain the community and the rain-forest at the same time. I made that last bit italics, because I get so excited every time I say it and I wanted that to come out in the font. Too often in our society we place two good objectives in opposition to each other, and New Forest Earth refuses to do that. I know it is a small scale, but it brings me so much joy to find people who promote the environment and people's livelihoods and don't see the two in mutual opposition, even in an immediate sense. Maybe I just spend too much time with political extremists.

Also contributing to my enjoyment of New Forest Earth : the products. Jewelry, chocolate, and journals. What else do I need in life? (At least in a material sense.)

And Again

It's official -- I am a student once more! I have received my first course-in-the-mail, Principles of Biblical Study, I. The "I" means a focus on "Part I" of the Bible, the Old Testament. I haven't gotten to the part where we actually delve into specific books yet : we're talking about how we as Catholics view and read Scripture. For the most part, the material is stuff I've picked up on the way, just never really learned before. It's cool to see it all officially put together.

On the other hand, I am learning some new things. Example : I have a hard time listening to lectures when I have no visual cues. And that swirly flower on Windows Media Player just doesn't cut it. I'm taking many more notes than I usually would because I am afraid I won't remember otherwise. And also, I would end up on Facebook or watching dog-walkers outside or something similarly useful.

My textbooks include the Bible and the Catechism and only one other book. Which makes me very excited for the learning about to take place.

The World Will Come to Walshingham

Friday and Saturday, my world became... GALA. My readers who know CCM recognize the occasion; for others, it is the annual event when people pay CCM money to come to an event and spend money. Which is to say, it is a black-tie affair with a catered dinner and a live and silent auction, as well as a raffle and some fun entertainment. Students put on the Gala, with the help of an adult committee, and serve at the occasion, but, like a true fundraiser, it targets outside of our community. At least, outside of our community in the normal sense. In a way, it expands our community and shows both students and supporters just how large our ministry is.

This particular year marks our 5th Annual Gala. That means that I remember our first Gala; I was one of the bright-eyed and confused student volunteers who smiled at the rich people who came to support us. By now, we have many more guests, including a solid group of alumni. So I still spent a good bit of the evening smiling confusedly at people as I tried to make small talk. I found I am much better at making sure people and things are where and when they need to be than I am at making small talk. Just in case I didn't already know that.

Miriam and Brigit have been working literally since September (and really before that) to prepare for this. All week they had been champs, working crazy hours to put the final touches on so many parts and pieces. Friday, Brigit was running all over town doing final pick-up and arrangements, and Miriam had charge of an army of students, transforming a gymnasium/auditorium into a classy setting for our guests. I love seeing the room transform from a basketball court into a fancy dining room lined by tables of pretty things. It felt so magical by the end. Best of all, we finished considerably earlier that evening than we'd done in past years!

Saturday morning, Miriam and I picked up a few odds and ends and hung out with an alumnus working the light and sound for us. Saturday evening was showtime!

It's just amazing to walk into a room and see thirty people whom you normally see in jeans and sweats, now dressed to the nines. CCMers clean up nicely indeed. And then Wendy was there, along with the two girls we roomed with senior year, Connor, and a few other wonderful alumni. I alternated between official duties and hanging out with dearly beloved and much missed friends. Marie (yes, the same one who was in Hurley with me) was acting field-marshal of student volunteers, so I knew they were in good hands.

One of my favorite moments of the night came at the very end. Brigit and I had worked hard at creating table placements to keep all our guests happy. I saw one women leaving with her table's placard -- and each guest had signed by his or her name! It was a beautiful, tangible result of our efforts.

And now, I am left with the residue of the evening. We packed up and moved out that evening, but my office is still littered with the odds and ends of the evening, including left over red velvet cake. (Yes, that is a hint to come visit.)

I Go Back

On Sunday, CCM's Contemporary Christian group gave their annual performance. Ever since I discovered that this group existed, I've been eagerly awaiting this day. So despite the fact that it occurred at the end of my two weeks of crazy after a Mass for which I could barely stay awake, I hopped over after Mass.

A little known fact about me : I am a sucker for anyone who can make music, probably because I am so unmusical myself. It's like parallel parking -- I'm amazed every time it happens. And when people who are good at being musical are making music that is praising God, I basically get a little piece of heaven if I can sit in a corner and listen. Actually, I sat in the front, not a corner and sang (very softly so as not to bother the CCMers next to me) love songs to my God.

I also realized that night just how much Christian music has become a part of my life. Not just that I know the songs and can sing along to at least half of them, but the strong connection they have with other parts of my life. I went on a musical tour of the past five years of my life. Some of the more powerful examples:

One of the first songs they performed was "Indescribable." This song first entered my life during a retreat my sophomore year of college and reappeared annually as I served the retreat in various forms.

"Free to Be Me." When they started this song, I was transported to the Shnuck's parking lot in University City, St. Louis, sitting in our blue Toyota on a sunny evening making a grocery run after school. It was the first time I heard the words to this song, and they resonated : I too could not see God's plans for my life and was (and am) clumsy and incomplete when I act on my own and try to be perfect.

More recently, I have heard the song "Alive Again." I associate it with both the Encounters I teamed this year. Also, it has the wonderful line from Augustine, "Late have I loved you," which brought me back to buying and reading Confessions last year.

Finally, most powerfully, "Mighty to Save." My YouthWorks summer, we sang this song to death, and at the end I thought I would never be able to hear it again without cringing. Which was a shame, because I liked the song a lot at the beginning of the summer. I discovered that now at last I like it again. As soon as the chords started, I was sitting next to an overhead on the floor, our club "mood lighting" switched on, surrounded by a group of middle and high school kids. And somehow, those kids and the people we served in Carthage became connected to my kids and coworkers and Six Pack from last year, who are connected to my ministry this year.

I discovered on Sunday how to bilocate. Because even as I traveled back in time to different places of my life, the beauty of the right-now remained. Our incoming VP, smiling like an angel as she sings; our future music minister, praising God in song; our current music minister, holding the show together; the rest of the group, making music. And the crucifix and tabernacle, just to the side, reminding us all of the ultimate Beauty.

The Two Weeks of Crazy End!

I can't believe that it has been a full two weeks since I posted last. I have, on occasion during these weeks, thought about what I would/should write... but the sweep of life overwhelmed me continuously. The last Monday that I posted, I had a brief meeting with Marianne to discuss our discernment process, which I would be leading, since she would be on the Encounter retreat that Sunday, when we would be discerning. Instead, I found out that her knee, which has been giving her trouble all year, was bad again. So I was going on Encounter on Thursday!

In addition, that week started crunch time for our annual benefit Gala, which came to fruition this past Saturday. I had three days to prep for the retreat in the midst of the Gala chaos, four days of Encounter, and then constant Gala prep for five days. Thus, no blogging. I dropped out of pretty much every part of life except for CCM. These past 24ish hours, I've enjoyed finding life again!

I'll tack a bit about Encounter onto this post. Like the February Encounter, it was mostly other people's stories, so I won't dwell on it. We had three CCMers from the College and drove up with three students from a school down the road, so we had a full car. Over 40 people registered -- the largest Encounter we've had for years. The team was sharp and on top of things, the participants were a joy, and the campus ministers, as always, full of fun and wisdom. We had snow Saturday night, a surprise and beautiful, if slightly worrisome. I brought home a car-full of tired, excited students, on fire from the weekend, who made the four hour car trip a blast. Plus, as with the Hurley trip, I had an excellent DJ and a car that liked to sing.