Separating the Men from the Boys

I posted this article on Facebook Sunday to complete an earlier conversation.  It generated a lot of conversation, so apparently it has more value than simply inspiring a feminist rant.  I use the term "value" loosely -- it inspires conversation, not just Beth-rants, which are a dime a dozen.

So first, read here: "Do Men Think Smart Girls Are Unattractive?"  It has a provocative title and is a quick, easy read.

I've heard praise and critique for various parts of the article but here is the Cliffs-Notes version:
1) It should be satire.  (Thanks, Julia!  I agree!)
2) Some men are intimidated by the challenge to a better self that smart girls pose.
3) While some smart women want to be full-time mothers, even conservative women get upset at his overarching generalizations.
4) Buono doesn't even answer his own question.  (Read carefully.  It's true.)
5) General expressions of overall disgust and fury.

It's easy to see where Buono starts to go wrong: the title. Men shouldn't be pursuing smart girls. That makes them pedophiles. They should be pursuing smart women.  Let's start by setting the genders on equal footing.  You are men.  We are women.  If you are boys and we are girls, we need to start by talking about how to grow up.

He then shifts the question.  It's no longer about "smart girls." The problem isn't intelligence.  It's that women are successful, driven, and pursuing a career, which Buono assumes happens because they can't find a man who's grown up and decide it's the next best option.  But really, they are only "career single women" because they have "no incentive to be otherwise."  Not, heaven forbid, because she actually likes engineering or public relations or teaching or computer programming.

He does have a few good lines.  I've had a small sampling of masculine support for his claim that smart women intimidate men with the challenge of what they could be.  And it is true that "a woman will give the world to a man she knows loves her, respects her, and accepts her for who she is."  But sometimes a part of that love, respect, and acceptance is realizing that she really is a person with passions and pursuits outside her family in the public realm.

On the flip side, as a classmate pointed out, women need to stop effacing themselves in pursuit of men.  I think women face a voice whispering to them: "You're not good enough."  (I don't know if men encounter the same problem.)  When we don't believe that our best is good enough, it's hard to put forth our best.  It will fail and the backlash will hurt.  So we hide ourselves and offer only little pieces shaped into what we believe society wants.  (That's a drastic picture; it happens on small levels.)  It's scary how subtle and pervasive these influences are.  Even smart, confident women hear them and react.

Okay -- end rant.  Please comment!  Disagree, correct, clarify, and especially enlighten me!  I only have the experience of myself and a few others to go on -- and the world is bigger!