I had a fun (for me at least) idea of a new way to procrastinate as I write my paper! I am going to "live blog" my paper (by length, not time). I have banished myself from Facebook between breakfast and dinner, so this is my alternative to obnoxious status updates every 10 minutes as I write.
The Topic: Jesus as the Lamb of God. I wanted to write about covenant curses; then I could write about women eating their children and other such cheery topics. However, that topic was rejected. There is not enough scholarship on it: evidently few scholars are as morbid as I am.
Blank page: My topic is too facile. I should change it. I don't have time to change it! I fail at life!
3/4 of a page: You know how when you look at a word for too long...? I'm already starting to pronounce it "lam-B" in my head.
One page down: Am I proving myself wrong? My thesis doesn't have any support! How can an idea be self-evident and wrong? Can an idea be self-evident and wrong?
1 1/4 pages: Googling names that appear in other books, to make sure I am not quoting heretics. Good news: I am quoting saints.
2 pages: Realizing I can type without looking at the keyboard OR the screen. I didn't believe it when they told me in elementary school computer class that this was actually possible.
Just over 4 pages: I MADE IT ONTO THE FIFTH PAGE! I'VE WRITTEN SO MUCH! .... I still have so much to write....
4 1/2 pages: This is circular logic. I wonder if I should point it out. Or maybe I can just hide it. Does circular logic invalidate my argument if no one notices its existence?
5 pages: I begin considering the fact that I am rewarding myself for paper-writing with housework. Question: Which is a bigger problem -- that I think this is a good idea, or that it works?
6 pages: I am so over this paper. Why did I give up Facebook during the day? Google + has never looked so appealing.
6 1/2 pages: Spell check wants me to change "Eucharistically" to "Eucharistic ally." Which is wrong, but an interesting concept.
6 3/4 pages: People really need to use Google + more.
7 pages: I HAVE A GOOGLE + NOTIFICATION!
8 pages: Holy crow! I made it to 8 pages!
8 1/4 pages: The excitement runs out. I start researching what food group mushrooms are in.
8 3/8 pages: My sticky-note tore a thin layer off a page, removing the words I need to quote. I didn't know that was even possible.
8 1/2 pages: I have a love-hate relationship with Taylor Swift, Scott Hahn, and myself.
8 3/4 pages: I miss sociology papers. At least if I was wrong there, I would just be an idiot, not an idiot and a heretic.
9 pages: I got to use "penultimate" in a sentence! That's awesome!
9 1/2 pages: I give up and go to a study party at Tim Horton's (think Dunkin' Donuts of Ohio), that appears to be more party than study. Coffee at 11pm!
10 pages: I have developed a thumb twitch. I think this is a variation of the TWAMP eye-twitch.
11 pages: Coffee finished and "Taylor the Latte Boy" appears.
12 pages: I hit the word limit! I still have so much to do. THANK YOU, JESUS, that Dr. Hahn will let us go over!
At this point, however, the bulk of my paper is "done"!
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