Today, I stumbled across this article on flirting in a women's magazine with conservative values. The basic message seems to be "don't flirt to get things," although I have to admit, I found it slightly hazy. Either way, the writer offers a different view from the Wall Street Journal's take, which seems to be "flirt to get what you want; just be careful." Neither of them analyzes the study that they both cite, which seems to be more interesting than either commentary. (I just need to find time to hunt it down.)
Both these articles beg the question: What is flirting? Only once we know what flirting is can we decide whether or not flirting is acceptable -- and if so, when and how. So I pose these questions:
1) What is flirting?
2) For what purpose is flirting acceptable? Unacceptable?
3) Does your "relationship status" (single, dating, married) make a difference? Why or why not?
4) What is the difference between flirting and emotional manipulation?
Actually I think this is quite insightful - albeit having its problems. Answering Q1, the definition they gave I thought was quite accurate: "ambiguous behavior with potential sexual or romantic overtones that is goal-oriented." It is ambiguous to test the waters. In the words of Hitch, a guy can't just tell a girl that he likes her. It doesn't work. She thinks we're too forward or creepy. There has to be an organic level of development in the relationship first according to the rhythm of each person's heart. The purpose(Q2) then I believe is two-fold based upon our experience: to inquire into the possibility of a romantic relationship and progress organically to that end.
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious then from this that being in a relationship would make a difference. If the point of flirting is to inquire into a relationship with another, then clearly the person's heart is divided who flirts with others while in a single exclusive relationship. This kind of behavior is counter productive or counter intuitive for the person who flirts while in a relationship. If this person is unsure about a relationship, then they should either commit or get out. If they do neither, then their hearts remain uncommitted to the relationship and it cannot thrive. Seeking outside relief to their frustration will not reach to the depths of an intimacy that they long for.
The problem with the article is its utilitarian content. Some people seem to think that they can flit to get something out of it or boost confidence. As the intrinsic, internal design of this is towards the end of a relationship, any ulterior motive is clearly against this purpose. More than that though, this attitude of using flirting as a means to an end is essentially to use the person to whom it is directed as a means to and end. But each person can never be used as a means to an end for every person has his or her own freedom which chooses ends. This using is a direct violation of that freedom.